he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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