Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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