i don't like sucking hair
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
