I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
