Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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