So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
