he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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