its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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