screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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