Just fell off a train. Bad.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
