she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
