so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
