When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
