your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
