yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
