god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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