god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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