Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize