I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
