It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
