i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
