my mouth tastes like poor choices
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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