yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
