Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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