Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
