Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
