Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
