I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
