so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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