I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
