i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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