OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
