Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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