i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
