Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
