i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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