I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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