I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
