Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
love makes seman taste better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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