He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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