i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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