I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
