Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
