If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
