textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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