Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize