I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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