matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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