also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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