I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
