just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
