Midget sex pt 2 tonight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
