I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
