I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
