i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize