You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
