Don't make out with my wife yet
I cannot find my penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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