It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
