I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
