She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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