Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
