Moan for me like Helen Keller
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
