i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
