i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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