wanna go halves on a baby?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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