my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
