Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
