on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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