what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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